20 Minutes, the free paper you get on the tram, has a feature today on how the cartoon characters beloved of millions would vote. Remembering that we are in France, I am talking the presidential election, whose first round is on Sunday. Sadly I do not have the right to vote here - yet - but that is another story. There are ten candidates, outgoing (yes!) President Sarkozy, and his Parti Socialiste opponent, favourite in the polls Francois Hollande, may well be known to cross-Channel and other non-France readers, the others less likely. Anyway, I will do my best. The feature had some fun plays on words, but I will not try to translate those. That way madness lies.
SpongeBob SquarePants, who has been vilified by the American Right for believing that climate change is real, would vote Eva Joly. She is the Green candidate,, and is currently wearing green glasses to prove it. I like her a lot. She is not French but Norwegian, and her accent is relentlessly mocked and vilified. This is partly why I like her.
Batman, who believes in zero tolerance and who is against corrupt elites, would be at one with Marine Le Pen (Blonde Catwoman, this paper calls her), especially as one of the Batman original artists is very much of the right politically. Marine Le Pen is Front National - well, I don't need to tell you what that is, I hope.
Princess Leia of StarWars is for a legitimate democracy. What those wars were all about really, or so say some of the fans. She is voting Sarkozy.
Marge Simpson, who, according to her creator, Matt Groening, would have voted for Obama, because she believes in social justice and will vote for a person with a good voice, is voting Jean-Luc Melenchon. He is the candidate to the left of the Parti Socialiste, and is a terrific speaker. Currently doing very well in the polls. Tomorrow is the last day polls are allowed. Campaigning stops tomorrow too.
Super Mario is for Philippe Poutou, a kind of bizarre Gaullist who says he is the voice of the people. Because he supports the workers. Go figure.
The Blues are voting Red. It says here. The Smurfs (les Schtroumpfs in French) have created a collective syndicalist movement, and effectively embody the dictatorship of the proletariat. It says here. How we roared. Anyway, they are voting Nathalie Arthaud, who describes herself as the communist candidate, and who is in fact a Trot gobshite.
ET is from, and mostly on, another planet. He is therefore voting for Jacques Cheminade, who is - get this - a supporter of Lyndon LaRouche and thinks the Queen is a drug dealer.
Prince Charming - remember that Cinderella and many other beloved fairy tales were first written in French - is voting for Mr MoDem, which means something like LibDem, Francois Bayrou, currently fourth in the polls after Marine Le Pen.
The Gaulish Gaullists - Asterix and his pals - are voting for Nicolas Dupot-Aignan. He describes himself as Gaullist of the right, and, er, you what? No clue. Less than one per cent in the polls today.
And our friend Francois Hollande of the Socialists gets the support of - sorry probably not much known outside France and Japan - Naruto. He is a funny little person taken seriously by nobody but who finishes up as the Great Ninja of them all.